Monster

 

He came as Love

Holding my hand guiding me

Protective even 

The security I needed 

Pulled out my chair opening doors

I fell in love 

The Kind of gentleman 

I was looking for 

He was beautiful to me...

 

Age three I remember my mother 

Leaving me in his care 

Playing hide and seek

Brushing my hair 

But On this day things were different…

 

He led me up the stairs to 

the bathroom before I could go

He came in and closed the door 

before I knew it he was pulling 

down my underwear 

til they touched the floor 

I'm only three years old 

he stood about 10 feet tall 

I'm small and parts of his body touch 

my tiny little vagina tears rolled

I'm confused and scared 

His torso pressed against my face

I couldn't scream, hard time brrathing I was bleeding,  

I started whimpering 

no one could hear me

 

Where's my mommy 

She's supposed to protect me

can't she sense my pain 

This lasted what seemed like forever

Finally someone called out for me 

he jumped up fixed his clothes 

Shushed me he said “I better not tell a soul”

Drops of blood were caught 

by my underwear I pull them up and he sent me down the stairs

 

Age thirteen my mother's brother 

was no better he'd sneak in around midnight

Turning off all lights 

Hands creeping up my thighs

While my mother slept by the wall on the other side

Only this night was different 

I believe God gave me some strength 

So I fought back a silent attack 

He didn’t see it coming, me

Huffing and puffing 

I sat up fist bald up drawn back 

I swung...SMACK!!

My tiny fist landed on his face 

He was shocked maybe a little dazed 

See this isn't the first time he fondled my insides but this is his last time he was surprised

So he quietly crepted off of me

He walked out and closed the door

 

I laid in silence, come morning 

I told my mother what had taken place

She couldn't even look me in my face

Her head hung low

She didn't believe what I told her

I cried to think that your little girl would lie

Then I realized that the real monster is the woman I called mama 

see she didn't protect me 

from the boogie monsters the ones 

called human monsters and I'm scared for life 

I know what it's like to sense the pain from my own children there's an emotional connection 

but somewhere along the way my mom developed a disconnection, it could have been at my birth, 

I don't know what I could've done to cause her hurt, I’m just a little girl.

 

See all it's not because of her that 

I got some healing gave forgiveness

Or that I'm able to stand strong

It’s because of my God and it is he who keeps me from repeating 

the same mistakes my mother made see I made the choice that it wouldn't happen to mine I'll protect them at all costs, I'll fight

You See I never wanted my children to meet The Boogie man, the creeps inside our own home so I removed myself from... 

The Monster Creeping Behind Closed doors.

 

Softly Spoken 

Kottyn 

 

 

 

 

 

I Let him Die

 

A few days ago I lost the man I once thought would be my King he's not deceased but he killed me he shot the love that once existed in me by putting his hands on me so instead of my family bury me I buried him removed him from my heart my life, at first I was hurt inside I wanted to die I wanted to hide but I hold my head high tears are dry...Now its time I heal and move on...I won't shed his tears anymore it's not worth it first neglect then disrespect it doesn't make sense you asked God for a woman like me and then you mistreat me. this is typical...My answer would have been yes to becoming your wife but I guess it wasn't meant for you and I...

 

It amazes me how God will give us what we ask for and somehow we find away to destroy it...maybe next time you will love better protect instead of hurt...leave your past in the past remove it from your world so you can have a better future...I wish you the best. 

 

Softly Spoken

Kottyn